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4th April 2007 | 01:46 am
mood: displeased

I seriously don't know about this. I can't even try and pretend that I'm over it. Well, I am over it in that sense. I don't care but the thing is, I can't pretend that saying sorry means everything is okay again, because it's not.

It's taking all of my being for one word answers. I can't even be friendly. I can't even look without all my anger resurfacing. The anger, the resentment. I don't know what this is, if this is a grudge, then it's the first one I've ever held, and held for so long too.

In the past, I would want to remain angry and be unable to do so. But this. I don't know.

I was disrespected. You had no right. And I definitely did not deserve that. To be treated without dignity, without even common decency you would offer a stranger. Honestly, I'm offended. And that fact is not going to go away.

And aside from being offended, I was given a whole new perspective. I saw a whole other side.

I've analyzed, I've discerned and now I feel like I've finally been able to fully understand myself and the whole situation.

But now it's a whole new situation. This whole aftermath feeling.. Now I have to analyze and discern how I feel now, and how I'm acting now. And the mere fact that I have to do that, makes me more resentful.

Maybe it's about forgetting. I'm not going to forget this. Maybe it's about forgiving. I'm not ready to do that.

At least I've learned a lot from it. I've learned that I'm a complex person. I've learned that I shouldn't place too much into people. I've learned that there's something to be said about old friends. I've learned that I have something to say.

I've learned that finding someone to share what makes yourself you with is really hard to find and that if you rush into it, you can mistake someone else for that job.

I think it's going to be a while before I open myself up to anyone so willingly and as faithfully and trusting as I have done in the past.

Growing old is growing old, it happens. Not all the emphasis is on the growing old, but much is really on the growing. But all the same, it's a little sad when you see parts of what's left of your childhood innocence and faith in people crumbling apart before your very eyes.

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Comments {1}

brianna anastasia

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from: corpsette
date: 4th April 2007 04:22 pm (UTC)

what happened?

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