I was sleeping in the lilies or was I up all night

boasas.com

2009-10-31T18:49:15Z

http://www.questionablecontent.net

2009-10-22T08:51:32Z

- "Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past."
- "If that's true, then wisdom is knowing you'll be an idiot in the future."
- "And common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot NOW."

bambezzled @ 2009-10-03T12:54:00

2009-10-03T19:54:34Z

"The rule for working out prime numbers is really simple, but no one has ever worked out a simple formula for telling you whether a very big number is a prime number or what the next one will be. If a number is really, really big, it can take a computer years to work out whether it is a prime number.

[...]

Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them."

-Mark Haddon, The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night-Time

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now

2009-09-15T21:34:38Z

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.

Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.

-- A. E. Housman

P.S. Happy birthday bestie <3

2009-08-10T07:25:14Z

"The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason." - John Cage

16 books you've read that will always stick with you

2009-08-06T19:42:49Z

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. 16 books you've read that will always stick with you. First 16 you can recall in no more than minutes. Tag 16 friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what books my friends choose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules).

1. The Red Tent - Anita Diamant
2. Harry Potter (the whole series) - J.K. Rowling
3. The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
4. Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen
5. Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
6. Where the Wild Things Are - Maurice Sendak
7. A Wrinkle In Time (and the rest of them) - Madeleine L'Engle
8. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
9. Feelings - Aliki
10. Echoes of the White Giraffe - Sook Nyul Choi
11. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
12. The Bus Driver Who Wanted to Be God & Other Stories - Etgar Keret
13. Dibs in Search of Self - Virginia M. Axline
14. The Chosen - Chaim Potok
15. Bridge to Terabithia - Katherine Patterson
16. Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card

I got tagged on Facebook so I'd thought I'd do it, I don't want to 'tag' anyone on here but I'd love to see all of your guys' picks too. :)

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, aged 13 3/4 - Sue Townsend

2009-07-31T23:17:27Z

That book sucked, I want a refund.

Happy belated birthday man.

2009-07-30T22:11:22Z

We'd have been twenty-one this year. All of us.

It's been about a year and a half since you died (was it really that long ago?) and yet every time I think about what happened, I'm still floundering in some state of disbelief.

Even the most bizarre scenarios I entertain are easier to digest. Anything but dead. I went to the funeral. I've visited the grave. Jonothon Joel Olmos.

And yet, I find myself still half-waiting (or is it wanting?) for a phone call from someone telling me that they found him, or "Surprise! Just kidding! We have a sick sense of humor!," or he had to get off the radar for some reason or other. FBI agent or some shit. Anything.

Anything but dead.

It's weird. He's dead. You're dead. Dead dead dead. You're not supposed to be dead. But somehow you are.

Sometimes I'll be driving home from work or just doing whatever it is I do and from out of who knows where it hits me again and the only thing I can get out is a big fat WHAT THE SHIT MAN. What the hell, Jonny? Why are you dead? Why are you fucking DEAD? What the fucking hell.

What the hell. Fucking.Piece.Of.Crap. It shouldn't have been you, damnit.

You're not supposed to be dead.

Oh no you girls'll never knowww

2009-07-24T02:26:38Z

Dear Life,
I am totally awesome and I'm not going to wait around for everyone else to realize it anymore.
Awesometime, here I come!
Stineeeeeez

bambezzled @ 2009-06-30T22:39:00

2009-07-01T05:40:10Z

Please don't shut me out. I miss you.

<3

2009-06-27T02:29:48Z

Most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to

Peace be with you, Michael.

bambezzled @ 2009-06-20T15:58:00

2009-06-20T22:59:01Z

"Jesus, grow up a little."

bambezzled @ 2009-06-15T21:11:00

2009-06-16T04:24:17Z

I've been consciously trying to keep my insecurities from getting out of hand and so far I'm holding the fort down but I can't say it's been easy.

bambezzled @ 2009-05-23T05:05:00

2009-05-23T12:06:19Z

gay boy internet crush<3

bambezzled @ 2009-05-17T23:41:00

2009-05-18T06:43:47Z

-"Yo, fuck tha po-lice!"
-"It's like Rent-A-Cop."
-"More like Rent-A-Dick."

bambezzled @ 2009-05-16T17:22:00

2009-05-17T00:23:05Z

sometimes i wonder if just being too self aware was where it all went wrong

Oh lifeee.

2009-05-15T00:58:35Z

I spent most of today figuring out what I could have possibly done differently to have avoided that, but I really don't know. Which makes me think it might not have been me to begin with. Is that why you once again can't bring yourself to look at me in the eyes?

Eight weeks until my 21st. I'm not being as winner as I'd hoped I would be when I first set out for this but fuckups and all, I still might have landed a decent temporary (and if it works out, maybe even longer term) job and I now weigh less than my mom and sister now. But there's still a ways to go. Get to it, Christine.

P.S. I wish I was generally more adept at things.

Time to be <s>honest</s> LESS WORDY, Christine.

2009-05-09T08:51:11Z

Dear New Jersey,

A few days ago, I had a moment when I really wished you weren't so far away.

Because you see, a few days ago, I came out to my mom.

And being that you're the one that went gay for me over that summer,

And also seeing how New Orleans was the closest thing to a real relationship I've ever had,

I missed it for a bit.

~~And since I'm already being so embarrassingly honest, I might as well admit that I also have you to thank for kickstarting me down a road where I'm not absolutely repulsed by what I see in the mirror.~~

So, even though none of this really matters to you anymore, thanks. FOR THE GOOD TIMEESSS. HAHA~~, nah, but really, for not ruling me out, even when I had already.~~

Word.

Regards,
Irvine

P.S. Happy birthdayy

Got a one way ticket for a ride on the failboat

2009-04-27T20:27:12Z

At least from the standpoint of EVERYBODY ELSE. But then again, I guess I think so too.

So show me what I'm looking forrrr

2009-04-26T22:07:33Z

Wait, I'm wrong. Should have done better than this. Please, I'll be strong, I'm finding it hard to resist.

Nomnomnomnom

2009-03-09T11:17:53Z

Shitty Friday, meh Saturday, better Sunday.

In other news, I am really gassy and I think it has something to do with that raw cookie dough I was munching on earlier.

Either that, or I'm ALWAYS gassy at this hour, I'm just not usually awake for it.

Today's Twitters

2009-03-07T07:56:00Z

17:24 @__camille whats ffaf #
18:25 @__camille i thought you gave that up for lent. HM! #
21:28 today is every friday I had in highschool #

WHO'S GOT A TWITTER BECAUSE I HAVE A FOLLOW BUTTON WITH YOUR NAME ON IT

bambezzled @ 2009-03-03T02:04:00

2009-03-03T10:05:39Z

"so i was just thinking i should improve my resume. but then i was thinking i should get laid first"

Today's Twitters

2009-03-01T11:42:02Z

This is the TEST shipment you asked for.

12:07 @katrinakay omg so liek im in love with your boyish goodlooks and shapr biting wit T_T #
12:08 akon - beautiful = one person dance person party~! #
16:04 @shuhlawn During a conversation with a homie, I said something clever and in the same fit of mania, dubbed myself 'THE GREAT BAMBEZZLE' #
16:05 @shuhlawn ALSO ASDKLJF AT CHARACTER LIMITS - eep! Maybe it will teach me to just stick to the point, since we all know I am very wordy. :P #
16:06 @cathartique I agreee, but I have to point out that young people can also be relentlessly trivial and amusing :P #
16:12 @shuhlawn Yah it totally does, I keep telling myself I'll be really cool one day, but I'm gradually embracing the awkward that is ME :) #
16:13 @katrinakay Watching Lilo and Stitch. "PUDGE IS A FISH! YOU CANT GIVE PUDGE TUNA!" #
17:52 @shuhlawn In case you were wondering, it did. #
03:03 @karmendcastro so our situations are completely different, but that is exactly how i feel right now #
03:03 @__camille no way man, 2 year olds are serious business #

"How have you been, baby girrl?"

2009-03-01T03:14:11Z

Subject: RE:

Body:
Heh, I've been alright, still in the process of getting my act together. It's looking optimistic though, which is a great step up from where I was this time last year, so I'm grateful for that.

So I don't know if I told you about this but apparently I've had hypothyroidism for a while (I'm guessing starting around 7th grade, cuz that's when the stupid changes all started happening, puberty, depression, weight gain, whathaveyou).

Well, at any rate, they figured it out when I did bloodwork like two years ago and they gave me medication to regulate and help my failing thyroid and it's finally fucking working!

I've lost at least 20 lbs, just because my body is regulating itself more properly! I also feel more energetic and not so stupidly depressed to the MAX anymore(how dramatic).

But yeah, THANK YOU JESUS. Hotdamn. :)

Mmm, I've been hanging out A LOT with Brianna. We've been getting a lot pretty well lately. I learn a bit more about her, she learns a bit more about me, you know. I think our friendship is a lot more substantial this time around.

She's not too big on verbalizing/showing outward affection, which you know I have a big fondness/soft spot/weakness/need for, but I can tell she cares about me, even if it's not in the obvious ways. Which makes it mean even more when I catch it, I'd think. :)

I mean, it'd be nice to not be afraid to overstep boundaries with her, but that is an issue I have with pretty much anyone I meet, stemming from a bunch of different things. But that is something I have to deal with on my own, so on her part, I really couldn't/wouldn't ask or want for anything more.

Heh, you probably didn't really care for that bit of information, but it's something important to me so I thought I'd be honest and share anyway. My bad if that was the wrong thing to do, you calling me 'babygirl' (even if you call everyone that) just reminded me of how much I secretly pine for lame-lovey shit. Haha.

TANGENT, you know that 'If I Were A Boy' song of Beyonce's, I mean I've heard it all over for a long time but I never really listened to what she was singing about, so I finally sat down the other day, looked up lyrics and played it and GODDAMN THAT IS A SAD FRICKIN SONG. And it's even WORSE because it's so true. Damn boys. UGH. But yeah I love that song, hahaaa. And she is SMOKIN' in that video! If I were a boy!

I've been on a big movie binge lately, I watch (or at least put on for background sounds/visuals) around 3 everyday and the amusing things is they are all movies I've seen before. And not even movies that are like AMAZINGMOVIE STATUS. I just keep watching them over and over! Like Transformers, I've seen that 5 times from Thursday to today. (...) And Chocolat too. I saw I, Robot yesterday, and I think that one's going back in the DVD player tonight. HAHA IDUNO, MAN! IDUNO.

Anyway, that's about it, I start back at UCI at the end of March, so I'm just killing time until then, kinda scared, kinda excited for this "second chance" but we'll see, right?

Still looking for a job, I mean, I'm sure if I looked harder something will show up, I know it's been hard for everyone lately and I'm not spending 24/7 on apps and searching, so the fact that I don't have a job isn't on anyone but myself, right now. I'm not hard to please though, it's still on my bucket list to work cashier at a supermarket and bag groceries..lol.

Truth be told, I'm kind of surprised I went into this much 'detail,' but it's been a while since someone asked me how I was and meant it and was also someone I'd be inclined to respond back to completely honestly.

:)

I think she would have been quite pleased to get that.

I feel kind of weird about actually having particular people who, if they had asked, I would've loved to send that to.

I also feel kind of bad that I would wholeheartedly divulge all of that with said persons (even if they didn't really care too much about it), instead of valuing the one who really did ask and who would maybe even love me for answering.

I didn't send it. Because I realized that last part wouldn't have been true. I guess I'd rather wait until it was.