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9th April 2007 | 01:11 am
mood: tormented
music: Hilary Duff: Outside Of You

If I could describe how I feel inside with visual things, imagine me vomitting up black stuff like tar and oil. That's what it feels like in the inside right now.

I need to stop. I need to start over. I need closure. It. just. won't. fucking. go. away. Damn it.

Fr. Tri said that holding shit against people is like wishing them poison and then you drink it instead. He said it's like giving them free rent. Who the fuck is getting the worse end of the bargain? You are. I am. Damn it.

So how do I make it go away? There are bigger things to worry about. People are dying everyday, and being the way I am now is stupid. Mom says it's because I know it in my heaad/rational side but my heart/emotions needs to catch up with it. She says it's because those two go at different paces.

Damn it. I just want it to go away.

Fr. Tri, you said it's like giving them free rent. So how do you kick that to the curb?

I just want it to go away.

[Oh, and for those who are more confrontational about things like this, I just want to point out that I like to gather my thoughts and emotions before doing anything rash. In this case, there's a lot of things that I need to sort of for myself before any confrontations are going to happen. At least on my part.]

On a happy note, Hilary Duff is way hot on her new album cover and I have totally been listening to it all weekend. Haha. Whaaat? Guilty pleasure! Jeez. =P


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